We musicians make a ton of sacrifices in the pursuit of our dreams, don't we? Not to whine about it, especially since I'm in a super happy place now, but I've given up a lot over the past 20 years. I quit a bunch of great paying day jobs, ignored maternal stirrings, struggled financially and totally dissed planning for the future. Those things just never meant a whole hell of a lot to me, I was too busy scrambling to become famous or rich or something. The worst thing I did, though, was disregard my health.
I think the last time I had health insurance was around 1992 or so. After that I just had to "walk off" jammed fingers, sprained ankles, strep throat and other incidental medical issues. Planned Parenthood helped me keep my lady parts updated, thankfully. The only time I sucked it up and paid for trained medical help was when I thought I had a stroke after my face went all droopy from Bells Paulsy. That episode scared me so much that I quit smoking my beloved Eve 120 cigarettes. It was July 25, 2001.
Over the next few years I gained the obligatory ex smoker weight while I concentrated on getting ListenLocalsd.com off the ground. A pothole and a pair of super high heels put an end to my softball playing which was about the only activity I engaged in besides rocking with my band 8ball Rack. As my activity level decreased I began having pain in my neck and back and tingling in my fingers. Over the next few years the pain moved from my neck and back to my hip and down my leg, different levels of pain depending on the activity I engaged in. I had to give up my high heels and strenuous activity and I turned to red wine and motrin for relief.
Gradually increasing pain is such a funny thing. Not funny "ha ha", funny stupid. Although I felt physically worse from week to week, my life was good. My business was sustaining me and bringing me joy, I had great friends and I found the man of my dreams and we were loving love. All that love made it easier to ignore the pain, but I always knew deep down that something was not right. And it kept getting worse.
After a tip from Sven-Erik Seaholm in 2006, I wrote a letter to MusicCares asking for financial assistance so that I could go to the doctor. I was given a $3000 grant so I used the money to get an ultrasound and a sigmoidoscomy, thereby ruling out some illnesses that run in our family. After that I spent the next few years dealing with the pain and enjoying my life. I got married, released a new album and got a job playing local music on a cool radio station. Life was good. The pain persisted and increased...
By 2010 I started feeling like I was losing "me". My moods, my lack of activity, my weight gain, the guilt and the lack of hope for the future began to consume me. I had done my best, over the years, to hide all the pain and fear from Jonny and everyone, but it was closing in on me. My cousin Michele (the super hot nurse) encouraged me to apply for health insurance. Whether it was Obama's doing or not, we got accepted. Jonny and I were overjoyed and made the necessary adjustments to our budget.
It was pretty overwhelming and exciting and I didn't know where to start. After a tip from J Grace's awesome doctor/dad I found a primary care physician and started the journey. I found out I had super high cholesterol (which I kinda knew), hip displacia (which is weird), fibroids and my blood tested positive for RA. I went in for a second opinion about the hip and ended up having a few MRIs which found a tumor called a schwannoma on my spinal nerve. It was about that time that our automatic payment set up to pay our insurance paid a day late so we were canceled. After more than a month of dealing with that we were finally reinstated and I was able to see the neurosurgeon who said my tumor was the second largest he'd seen in that area and that it would need to be removed. The good news was I did not have RA.
Yesterday I was scheduled to have 3 MRIs but half an hour into the process I freaked OUT and couldn't continue. I'd had MRIs before but they were "open". This one was no bueno. Hopefully they can get the info they need from another open one... waiting to hear.
So that brings us pretty much up to date. Despite having insurance we're racking up some pretty good bills on the 'rents credit card all to find out that surgery is in my near future, which is creepy beyond my imagination. It seems weird to share this with so many folks but at the same time it makes it real and I've been in denial for so long that it's time I own it. I believe in the power of positive energy so I hope you'll send me some. Plus, maybe this story will be a wake up call to some of my young musician friends who are ignoring their own physical (or mental) pain while they make it to the big time.
More to come,
Cathryn
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